Rudeness in Everyday Life

Are we ruder than we used to be when out in public?

We encounter rudeness everyday from classmates, parents, and strangers.

• We see greed, selfishness, ignorance rather than generosity, kindness or respect.
• The news is full of incivility, rudeness, and violence.
• Basic human courtesy is vanishing. At heart is lack of respect.
• Manners have broken down in the anonymous everyday interactions of modern life: sidewalks, stores, doorways, movies, and highways.

Why are we ruder?

There are several reasons:

• Density
  - Increased population and crowds mean we become defensive.
  - There is the example of mice in a crowded space: too many mice and they start to eat each other.
• Family structure
  - We care about our family and friends and tend to stick to our social network: what other people think of us is less important.
  - We are more polite to those who matter to us.
• Media
  - TV: People used to socialize and communicate more.
  - There used to be greater community involvement.
  - In many of the shows that are on, cruelty and meanness is presented as entertainment – Beavis and Butthead, the Simpsons, reality shows..
  - Smart-ass kids and adults are on the screen.

What effect have urbanization and our fast-paced lifestyle had on how we treat each other in public spaces?

• Social skills are often considered less important than they used to be.
• We can work all day at a computer and have little personal interaction.
• We need other people to relate to and to care.

• Aggressive behaviour is highly valued – in most fields.
• In situations that are competitive, rudeness often follows.
• Although a competitive spirit is important, there has to be a balance.

• Personal space is becoming tighter.
• We are impatient and single-minded about where we are going.
• In transit, we tune out. We use a cellphone or radio.
• We don’t make eye contact.
• We are constantly in each other’s face: we work in offices with no walls, crowded spaces and have little private space.
• Our car has become a place of private time and space. We get very upset when someone violates that space. That’s part of the reason for the increase in road rage.

Does anonymity breed rudeness?

• We tend to be ruder in a big city.
• It boils down to the idea of consequences.
• It’s easier to give the finger to a stranger than to someone you know.
• On the other hand, wouldn’t it be better if we changed that finger to a wave? It’s just as easy to be polite.

What are the reasons for being rude?

• Being polite is a social value: it has to be taught, learned and practiced.
• Some people equate politeness with weakness.
• We fear others may push us around.
• It’s the difference between being assertive or being aggressive.
• Manners allow us to live and work together in harmony; to go about the daily business of life without constant friction and fighting.
• Manners express equality: polite behaviour shows no one is superior.

Can we become more polite? What can we do?

• Manners are contagious.
• Acknowledge others- your neighbour, the bus driver etc.
• Practice! Practice! Practice!
• Help someone who needs help.
• If your child does something kind, acknowledge it. Make it socially acceptable.

Are we more polite after a catastrophe?

• We tend to look at strangers with suspicion but we do also reach out when we see others suffer.
• After 9/11, in New York, people had less road rage and were much more polite and caring in stores and on the subway.

Does one’s perceived status affect how others will treat them?

• We all know people who can be charming when they want to be.
• Really good manners mean treating all people with respect.
• Not just if you want something in exchange

Do we measure success by how aloof a person is?

• When we are young, we feel intimidated by someone who is aloof.
• With maturity, we realize aloofness often is the result of poor social skills, maybe shyness or boredom.
• There are very few positive qualities associated with aloofness.
• We want someone who will meet our needs: if someone is aloof, they seem self-sufficient and don’t need others.