What Makes for a Dreadful Gift?

The purpose of a gift is to show appreciation, and so we want to make sure that the gift is appropriate and thoughtful, and something the recipient will enjoy.

Avoid:

• something that is inappropriate (sexual, political)
• something that has been used
• something that is overly expensive and will leave the recipient uncomfortable
• Personal hygiene items
• Miscellaneous clothing – if you must buy him a tie, buy the shirt that goes with it!
• Don’t give anything that you can share. The gift should be for personal use!

What kind of gifts do men like?

• Men prefer functional gifts, not practical gifts.
• A DVD player is functional. A weed wacker is practical.
• Artwork is neither (no matter how nice it is).
• Functional is good.
• Men like gadgets and toys.
• Computer and cooking gadgets are hot.
• Sports related items. Obviously, men like sports.
• What team does he like? Which sports does he like to play? Does he want that new rescue club?
• A perfect gift? A recliner with a built in cooler and a case of beer!

What is the etiquette around good or bad gifts?

• The worst gift is showing up with no gift at all – don’t go to a party empty handed!
• Send flowers before or after the event.
• Boxed chocolates are always appreciated, unless you know your hosts are watching their weight.
• Homemade gifts like jams or spiced nuts are great – if you’ve got the time.
• Wine is a good idea. Don’t expect your host to open the bottle that night. It’s a gift, after all, for them to enjoy.
• Whatever you do, ensure the gift is appropriate for the occasion – don’t show up with an expensive digital camera or set of fine crystal glasses to a dinner party – the host/recipient is sure to be embarrassed and overwhelmed.

Is it wrong to re-gift?

Chances are, you’ve probably either regifted or received a regift at least once in your life.

• More and more, time-pressed people are doing their shopping from home – not by the internet but by rewrapping a gift someone has given them.
• Re-gifting is the process by which unwanted gifts are recycled as fresh gifts to someone who is unsuspecting.
• In a recent study by United Mileage Plus Visa Card, 53% of consumers planned to re-gift.
• It is such a common phenomenon that Jerry Seinfeld dedicated an entire show to it. In that episode, two Superbowl tickets were regifted several times and Elaine received a regifted label maker.
• Some of us feel that it’s practical to pass on something we can’t use to someone who would better appreciate it.
• Others think regifting is simply a cheap and lazy way to get someone a present.
• Many etiquette experts (The Emily Post Institute, Letitia Baldridge) say it’s okay.
• If it really is ‘the thought that counts’, what’s the problem?

What are the criteria?

• You know the recipient would actually like the gift.
• Suitability. It’s something a recipient can use or enjoy more than you do.
• It is still new.
• It is in the original box / wrapper. Don’t put a cheap gift in a Holt Renfrew box.
• It was not made specially for you e.g. hand knitted scarf from your Great Aunt Mildred
• Most importantly, the person you give it to must not find out. Do they know the person who gave it to you in the first place? Could they ever meet?
• Make sure you don’t re-gift to the original person.
• Re-wrap and look for any gift tags!

Other considerations

• Some people think it depends on the relationship:
  - If the gift is from someone you are not close with, like a business contact or third cousin, regifting is acceptable.
  - But if it were from a parent or a best friend, then that would hurt their feelings.
  - Sometimes it’s not the gift itself that matters but the sentiment behind it.
  - Even if you don’t have a use for the item, it could be important because it conveys special meaning.
• It’s the intention to deceive that bothers some people.
  - They think it’s fine to tell someone ‘I got this as a gift but I don’t need it and I thought you might like it.’
  - But it’s wrong to let that person think it’s a new gift.
  - Not only are you deceiving the person to whom you are giving the gift, but you are also deceiving the person who gave you the gift by not telling them you have no use for it.
• Gift giving requires sacrifice on the part of the giver.
  - Some people would never regift, because they think that gift giving requires sacrifice on the part of the giver.
  - The sacrifice can be time, money, or effort.
  - They think there is no self-sacrifice in regifting since it doesn’t cost the giver anything.
  - Others disagree: they put in a lot of time and thought in all the gifts they give, be it a regift or a new gift.

No matter how you look at it, the practice of regifting will always remain. Keep these things in mind:

• If you don’t want your gift to end up as a regift, make sure you spend time on finding the right gift for everyone on your list.
• If you must regift, take everyone’s feelings into consideration and exercise caution. The last thing you want is to return the gift to the same person who gave it to you.
• Regifts can more meaningful than the usual bouquet of flowers or bottle of wine if you know the receiver would really enjoy the gift. Isn’t that what gift-giving is all about?